i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
