four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
