I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
