Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
