I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
