omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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