my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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