it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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