I can tuck mytits in my pants
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
