i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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