Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
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