Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
