Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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