even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You have to summon your inner elephant
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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