In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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