the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
