come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
