i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
