You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
