Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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