Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
