Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize