a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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