Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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