i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
