Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I got inside last night via doggy door
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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