I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
