I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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