Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
