Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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