There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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