I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
40s are totally the cure
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
