Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
