yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
