also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
We named our party play list daddy issues
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
