Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
