I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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