the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
