You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize