He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
