first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize