Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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