How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
