it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Randomize
