somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
