i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
