margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
