PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
