Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
