He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
