I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
