so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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