I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
