I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
