Plan B is the new Plan A
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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