My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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