The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
