Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
