so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
