I puked a lego.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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