Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
