He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize