what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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