Nicole vs. Life
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
