He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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