eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
