I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
it was like eating out sand paper
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
