i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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