So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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