the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
