We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
