do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
