I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
