After last night, I could never be a politician.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize