It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
