thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
