Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
ttyl tear gas
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
