bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
