If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
