i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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