I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
