it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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