if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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