my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
