Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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