if i can run in heels then i can drive
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
