You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
