He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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