Someone shit on the floor
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
