i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
