3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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