Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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