Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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